You are just coming home from work. It’s been a long day. You’re tuckered out. All you want is a beer. You reach into your mail box to find a bill, another bill, and something stamped with “IMPORTANT INFORMATION ENCLOSED” from your internet service provider. Your mind races! Could this be another bill? Did they not receive my last payment? Am I being cut off? Did they trace my IP from that torrent of classic Simpsons episodes I was hypothetically downloading? Did they – oh it’s just leaflet advertising their package TV/internet/phone deals. Just like the last letter.

Now imagine this happens every two weeks. Plus, they leave pamphlets in front of your apartment building. Also, they stick them on top of your mailbox, just in case you missed the last 5 “deals.” And you can see more “HOT DEALS!” taped to the wall as you exit your apartment. Once every September, they even slip a few ads under your door, like some sort of early-bird, uncaring Secret Santa.

Comcast, it’s annoying. Plus, by marking everything you send as “important,” then nothing you send is of any greater importance than anything else. Except the bill you make me pay for your services, which is often sent in an envelope with no markings. Well, how do you enjoy it?

Every mailer I have received in the last few months.

More images & a cat pic after the jump!

Had to post something to get those Valentine’s Day cards off the top of the page. Just a reminder that you can find me on Flickr (and Twitter and etc).

This Valentine’s Day, curl up with a loved on on the couch and hold a small country hostage using a self-replicating sound-carried virus or a death ray.

Please enjoy these other Villainous Valentines.

Bonus card beyond the jump!

Partly in thanks to a series of ritualistic animal sacrifices, I began 2012 with a brand new job. I do design now. I make posters. It’s nice and it took me about 5 years to get here. I have a number of friends who are currently hunting through the thick, dank forest of the Job Market. As such, I would like to share a bit of advice about how I acquired, tied down, and killed a virgin goat applied to jobs.

In the Beginning…

In the beginning, I signed up for Twitter to track my job application progress and to make light of it. This practice made me all too aware of the process. Particularly, how many applications I would send out, when I would send them out, and how I would never, ever hear anything back from anyone, ever. This is my first piece of advice though; Keep track of everything you send. Know when you sent it, who you sent it to, and try not to apply for the same job half a dozen times.

Found a job I really want. mailed heartfelt cover letter, resume, and business card on 9/04. Sprayed envelope with cologne. Now we wait. – Excerpt from Twitter

That particular Fall, I applied for about 25 jobs. I went through different methods; I uploaded resumes through the company’s job bank websites, I emailed my resume directly to the hiring offices, I even mailed hard copies on thick-stock paper directly to the hiring manager. I followed up with phone calls to HR, emails to each department, and I even showed up at the supervisor’s home with boxes of chocolates and a dozen roses.

Called design dept of Dream Job. Left a voicemail. Feel like I am asking girl to prom. Fear rejection. Will spend another prom crying @ home.

After following all the tips, doing all the tricks, I had managed to land a single call back for a job that I discovered would pay far less than my current job. This is when I resigned that my fate for 2009 was to remain at my current job. It was also around that time that my Twitter account was used to produce garbage. However, out of the 25 jobs I applied to, 20% notified me that I was not “what they were looking for.” The other 80% did not even bother to send me so much as a confirmation email, return my calls, or follow up with me in any manner.

Over the next few years, I would continue to send out resumes sporadically.

Actual helpful advice after the jump!